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death is a matter of mathematics

Death is a matter of mathematics.
It screeches down at you from dirty white nothingness
And your life is a question of velocity and altitude,
With allowances for wind and the quick, relentless pull
Of gravity

Or else it lies concealed
In that fleecy, peaceful puff of cloud ahead.
A streamlined, muttering vulture, waiting
To swoop upon you with a rush of steel.
And then your chances vary as the curves
Of your parabolas, your banks, your dives,
The scientific soundness of your choice
Of what to push or pull, and how, and when.
— Barry Conrad Amiel

she looks at me and says

best moment of 2008 ,
right now, this song. us. tuesdays gone with the wind.....

portland i miss u.

TOny bennett was wrong, i left my heart in portland!

tarot card of the day,


Although it has taken on a strictly romantic revision of meaning in some modern decks, traditionally the Lovers card of Tarot reflected the challenges of choosing a partner. At a crossroads, one cannot take both paths. The images on this card in different decks have varied more than most, because we have had so many ways of looking at sex and relationships across cultures and centuries.

Classically, the energy of this card reminded us of the real challenges posed by romantic relationships, with the protagonist often shown in the act of making an either-or choice. To partake of a higher ideal often requires sacrificing the lesser option. The path of pleasure eventually leads to distraction from spiritual growth. The gratification of the personality eventually gives way to a call from spirit as the soul matures.

Modern decks tend to portray the feeling of romantic love with this card, showing Adam and Eve at the gates of Eden when everything was still perfect. This interpretation portrays humanity before the Fall, and can be thought to imply a different sort of choice -- the choice of evolution over perfection, or the choice of personal growth through relationship -- instead of a fantasy where everything falls into place perfectly and is taken care of without effort.

*so i totally met someone (well several including a bangin ass stripper) but this one in particular, my fairypirate, is so fuckin beautiful and amazingly wonderful and im stoked.... and want to fly there this weekend cuz i miss her... and i took her heart with me so for real im okay for now but soon im a be over it and want to be there.like now.
apparently we both suffered from memory loss and broken bodies....

Jan. 2nd, 2008

how come i blacked out all the sexy stuff?

how come im still fuckin sick?

how come my chest feels like its being crushed and it hurts to breathe?

Jan. 1st, 2008

and the best part was the hggard breakfast this am with her and her friends...

Jan. 1st, 2008

there was no chasing the party
new years was perfect
in and out taxi here limo there
loves it

my other mama

With the Moon in your sign today, your emotions get so close to the surface that it's hard to keep them to yourself. Nevertheless, your eagerness to share is counterbalanced by a strong tendency to show a stiff upper lip. Ultimately you won't be able to hide, so be forthright about your needs without covering them with a socially acceptable veneer. Tell it like you feel it for your best shot at satisfaction.
its interesting hanging out year afer year with different people oer the holidays
i realized this today
and every holiday for the last few years
no family obligation
no i have to do this feeeling
holidays is about new experiences for me
they usually have to do with the person im dating
sometimes i catch up with my bro
saw dads new house alst year for the first time
but really i dont get the i have to go home
maybe i want it
never had it it kinda inerests me
i cant imagine it i mean i can see it being the same ol.
mom on couch or in bed
dad away
see him over the years different houses
step mom maybe there. kayla maybe there. bigger year after year

im glad i dont have to get on a plane and deal with presents unwrapped for security dumb dumb dumb

this year i worked.
trimmy trim trim
money in the bag
its a green christmas fuck chicago it was never white it wa always grey slushy nasty cold blah. i like the lights i must admit
the tree smell
the music haaaaa. we're listening to hiphop xmas songs on pandora
we worked 3 days pushed a lotta weight quick
hopefully theres a bonus
some take home trees
tomorrow theres a dinner with the homies. kennygs. i love that i met this crew
im part of the lost bos now
which i dont fully get because i never saw peter pan. tonite im watching it
im excited to hang with these kids. hoser.chey.kb.john.gina.crazy eye joc.the sisters.mmm hot mom nikila.narymi. im at ginas (gins) house the girl who was in the car when kc died. her bf juice was driving. its a weird feeling in my own skin being around her. all gimpy. seeing her battle wounds. hearing the story about the accident. i sympathize but im also so sad for my homie hoser bc her bro died so tragically.
mmmm blackberry blunts.
im making an oreo crust strawberry blackberry cheesecake., YUMaroo.
im watching this 4month old tigerleopard kitty chase its toy around.
i like this xmas. i said that it was my favorite of all so far. im with fun loving crazy kats. we're all pirates.