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young hearts be free tonite

i feel like i can come on here and vent about stuff i dont want to leak out elsewhere
i feel like the people i have on lj are those mostly with biased opinions but more so dont know the people in mention

i feel like i might have got myself another laurenrobin
this means,
i think i might be dating someone (tenderoni) who is totally not the one i should be dating...
i thought she was the one... of the three at the time........
but maybe not so much
or maybe i am over analyzing which is totally possible
i just hung out with old girl from portland trip 2 (fairy pirate)
and im totally torn.now..
i mean IM SUPER FUCKIN HOT FOR HER!!!!! shes conventionally, gorgeous....
personality, party girl with a heart of gold... snowboarder.flutist.works with children w/disabilities.
shes got a lot happenin... but a lot of flaws... or at least ones i make up in my head (defense mechanism)
and NOW AFTER seeing the fairy tonite AFTER our month of no real talking some texting
im like damn u, dont look at me like that... that smile.... mmm yeah and get those titties out my face....stop running her hand through my hair.... NO WAIT. YES... of course im totally into it all but damn me for having to make decisions....
hang with u or u
what am i doing now?
hanging with tenderoni ....
and the whole time talkin but strippers...
strangely enuf fairy pirate went snowoarding and at random stripper danger was going with her homies. crazy.
yeah so i wish i could be a little more up front
play the situation how i want (de la soul)

SO I GET MYSELF into these red hot *moments* of relationships with people...
its so not good!!!
or is it, BUT only if everyone is totally ok with everything all the time... which is totally fucked up and not possible
the fairy freaked when i OUT OF NOWHERE started hangin with tenderoni
after a month plus of talkin daily and tons of sexy texts i totally hook it up with the other
BUT
so when i was in pdx the first time in oct i met the tenderoni and i was curious.
later crushing.
then smitten.
now confused.
y cant i just have what i want from both
UM CUZ THAT WOULD DRIVE ME TOTALLY FUCKIN CRAZY
i apologized to the fairy ... totally need her in my life... shes super positive WITH WORDS... very well spoken
tenderoni, is rad. i love her saggy tight jeans thin ts worn out vans look
outdoor enthusisast river guide.camper.fire maker.drawer postcard sender.
BUt flaws....
I DONT KNOW
im guess im just sad .... that the fairy asks me how i am and looks into my eyes like REALLY babe, are u happy?
oh and not mention how passionate she is about stuff, i totally cried like a baby at her house.... not that hard for me actually....grrr... i just keep thinkin how we used to jokebout keepin hearts in pockets and how fairies are easily swept away but this one was waiting for her captain to dock....
dang damn fuck... i love that ones little bod and silky no tattoos skin. that wiley. dancedancin fairy.
the other tight muscles freckled smiley dork like
YEAH
theres a nasty picture on the side of the lj advertising some wrinkle cream. GROSS.
im done.